Let’s be honest – I catch myself doing this all the time. In the middle of a video call, I glance at the screen and... yep, there I am again. Checking my angle. Adjusting my expression. Wondering if that lighting really is that bad.

If you’ve been there too, you’re not alone. We all do it. It’s not vanity. It’s wiring. Our limbic system is built to scan for how we’re being perceived – a deep, ancient survival mechanism.

So no shame. But here’s what I’ve noticed – in myself and in others: When I’m busy watching myself, I’m not really with the person I’m speaking to. I’m half-in, slightly distracted. And the connection? It suffers.

Here’s the simplest trick that’s helped me: Turn off self-view.

Most video platforms let you hide your own video while staying visible to others. Every time I do this, it’s like a quiet shift happens. I stop monitoring. I start listening.

It’s a small move that makes a big difference. Like turning off a mirror so you can focus on the face in front of you.

A few other things that help:

• Use “Speaker View” to stay centered on the person talking.
• Go full-screen to block distractions.
• Hide the gallery thumbnails. Out of sight, out of self-consciousness.

This isn’t about doing it perfectly. It’s about being present. And in my experience, the best communicators aren’t the ones who look the best – they’re the ones who make others feel seen.